List of the most popular hashtags for theme #CHILDLESSNOTBYCHOICE

1936. That’s how many days it’s been since I started this #ttc journey. 1936 days ago I had no idea the battle that I was about to begin. . . One thousand. Nine hundred. Thirty six days. That’s a long time. . . In that time - both of my sisters have had 2 children. Almost Every single one of my friends have gotten pregnant, several times over. . . And yet here I stand. Childless - completely not by choice. If it had been my choice - I could have had 2 children, and would be thinking about number 3. If it had been my choice - I would be a stay at home mom in the throes of mommy life. If it had been up to me - my story would not have turned out this way. . . What I have to remind myself is this: while this is not the plan I had for MY life - This is the plan God has for my life. This is not surprising for him. This isn’t his plan B. . . 1936 days. Most of those days, I have felt any combination of things, or all of the things on this list. . . It is lonely. I have 1 friend in real life that is also childless, not by choice. One. . . It is invasive ... after 4 surgeries, pelvic floor therapy, ultrasounds...: all the things - my body has been invaded. . . Your life feels like it’s on hold. You live in this continual 2 week cycle. You are in a holding period of waiting. . . It’s awkward when people ask why you don’t have kids. It’s awkward trying to fumble around with the words to say. . . You get angry. Angry with your body. Angry with the healthcare system. Angry with people who can have babies with no problem. Angry when people are insensitive. . . You feel despair, every cycle. When you see that 1 single line - and no matter how hard you squint - there isn’t a second line. You feel disparity when you get that false positive. You feel despair when your friend is pregnant and you question “why not me”? . . You feel loss. Loss of self. Loss of dignity. Loss of hope. Loss of your dreams. Loss of friendships. . . Infertility is ambivalence. It’s the only time where I have felt completely shattered and yet so hopeful for next cycle. Where I am dreadfully sad for myself - but also so excited for my pregnant friends.. . . (Continued In comments)

Part 1: December 22, 2017 - we got the call. We didn’t have our official diagnosis yet. But we knew. We were stopped in our tracks by infertility. • A phone call from a nurse that lasted less than a minute confirmed that we had become 1 in 8. • But off to Christmas celebrations we went because the world didn’t stop turning for everyone else just because our world had imploded. • 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility. And during this year’s #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek it feels like it’s time to share our story.

Scars. Grief. Healing. Growth. Sadness. Bitterness. Jealousy. Hopelessness. Faith. Joy. Optimism. So many emotions these past two weeks. Two weeks since my body was cut open. Two weeks since our baby was taken out of a place it never should’ve been growing. Two weeks since I lost my right ovary and right fallopian tube. ___ For the second time in two months, I’m in that weird spot where I’m still healing, but the rest of the world has moved on. It’s this strange limbo of emotions. Physically, I’m better. My incisions (all three of them) are scabbing over, my bruises are dissolving, and I can finally lift more than 10lbs. Emotionally, though, every day is its own adventure. ___ It’s weird to admit I feel the best I have in months, but I know that’s only because my body is no longer hanging on for dear life to the hcg. For 11 weeks (7 weeks that we were aware of) my body did everything it could to hang on to that hormone. The last ditch effort to keep my body from letting go. Now though, free from the grips of it, I feel relieved. Relieved of the constant reminders that I’m no longer pregnant. Well, except for these scars. But just like all of my other ones, they’ll serve as a constant reminder of just how strong I (and my faith ➕) really am. #sometimeswesmile

This year I’ll be continuing my newer tradition of sending cards that aren’t traditional because I want to save myself the heartache of reading them. For those of you avoiding the day for any one of the multitude of reasons that it is hard, I’m here, I get it. If you’re celebrating yourself, then I’m wishing you a great one! If you’re honoring your mom, hug her for me. Just check in on those women you know: the single ones, the childless, those grieving their own mothers passing, those who have lost their children, those with complicated relationships with their mom; because like me, they may be avoiding it all for the next eleven days. Want a card to cheer you up? To make you smile? To encourage you? DM me! #mothersinwaitingcardexchange #bluemothersday

I’ve gotten a few private messages lately asking how we made the leap to donor eggs, which was no small decision. Short answer: my geriatric eggs weren’t doing the trick, and we just *really* wanted to be pregnant. Slightly longer answer in my new blog post [Link in bio]. #DEIVFsuccess #donoreggpregnancy #donoreggIVF

Mrs O is right. You really don’t realise how little you know about baby loss until you’re in the thick of it. And then you’re left trying to put yourself back together again without much frame of reference - what helps? What do other people do? Well, a little while ago I asked this question in a post on here. And I’ve put all the amazing, brave, honest and sometimes darkly funny answers I got into a massive new blog post - 75 ways to feel better after baby loss, up on my blog now. (Link is in my bio) From the big stuff like therapy to the small-but-still significant like boxset recommendations, I think there will be something in there for everyone - and if you have just lost of baby, whatever your circumstances, I really, really hope it helps. There are no easy answers, and if nothing else I hope the piece shows that there is no one right way to cope or grieve. And you are so far from alone. . P.S Do feel free to share this post, I’d love it to reach as many people as possible. And please add your own suggestions in the comments if you’d like - maybe we can get the list up to 100...? ❤️

Have you ever heard: if you’re scared to do something, you should totally do it! This is me doing something I’m terrified to do, but doing it anyway. April 21st to April 29th is National Infertility Awareness Week. About 10% of women in the U.S. have difficulty getting pregnant and staying pregnant, I Am One Of Those Women Many women experiencing infertility often feel ashamed, embarrassed, or feel it’s their fault...but these circumstances are no one’s fault & as a result many women/ couples never talk about it, understandably. If I can help one less woman/ couple feel less alone in their struggle then this vulnerable post was worth it. It has taken me a long time to accept this reality: my husband and I will never be able to conceive “naturally” and that’s ok. Instead of focusing on what we don’t have in our lives, we have chosen to focus on our numerous and abundant blessings! We have chosen not to make a baby our lives’ happiness. My husband and I are immensely happy with every second of our lives and us being parents will not make us or break us. In addition, we have chosen to highlight the blessings of not being parents: doing whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, always. I am also grateful for this experience because it has ultimately made me better. All of the emotional, mental, and physical pain has helped me become the improved version of myself that I needed to become in order to fulfill the universe’s/ God’s plan for my life. It wasn’t easy by any means... depression, hopelessness, and feelings of worthlessness are always difficult to overcome. We do plan on starting fertility treatments (IVF) very soon and we know it will be very hard and a rollercoaster of emotions but as long as we we have each other we know we can get through it regardless of the outcome. If you have any questions or just wanna talk regarding this subject please feel free to reach out to me I am an open book I have acquired a lot of resources and knowledge through this process and would love to share if you need it. Thank you for reading ❤️ P.S. Our Vulnerabilities are Our Super Powers ⚡️Embrace Them, Learn from Them, & Be Grateful for Them... #iammb2019

Like me, these two are wound up about that article in the Guardian written by a journalist who assumes all millenials are "cash-strapped, travel-obsessed, career-prioritising, commitment-phobes only capable of being responsible for a fur baby". In the article, the journalist makes all sorts of assumptions about those of us without children and pretty much every word of it infuriated me. I typically don't write reactive posts... but I've made an exception and had a go at some kind of a response - which I've posted on my blog - link in bio. Don't mess with the Fur Mama's! #furbaby #furmama #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #childlessnotbychoice #freedomofchoice #millenials #linkinbio

We are 1 in 8 June 29, 2000 we were married on the island of St Lucia. Just like any newlyweds we had lots of plans, hopes and dreams for our future. To be 100% honest we weren’t in a big hurry to add kids to our mix. We wanted to enjoy being married and travel! We had a lot of fun traveling and enjoying it being the two of us. We got pressured all the time when were we going to have kids! Seemed like everyone around us was growing their families! Again, if I’m being honest I still wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to add kids to our life. So we decided we would start “trying” , we were mid 30’s at this point. Long story short (see highlight for ttc story) we would need help to create a family. Like a lot of help/science and a lot of We had to walk away childless, it wasn’t easy. There was lots of tears and grief. We weighed other options to create a family and choose to be childfree. There is life after infertility, there is life on the other side of childlessness.