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Nobody comes back from war the same. We try, but after the shattering, we realize we just don't have all the pieces left to rebuild the same self we were before.
The rebuilding is excruciating.
We try to figure out where the pieces go, all we've got is a faded old photograph of our pre-abuse selves to guide us. How does this piece connect to that one? Is this even the same puzzle?
No. It's not. We aren't the same.
So we toss the old picture and try to build a healthy image from experience we don't have, and faith that may or may not exist after years of begging God and God's people for respite, hearing silence (if we were lucky, because mostly there was the victim shaming). And for us who can't go no-contact, we're doing it in earshot of the battlefield. The landmines still a regular threat. (I stepped on one this week. It took three days to stop the mental bleeding). It can all feel pretty damn dark sometimes, this healing. We want to take our half-rebuilt selves, gather up the piles of shattered us off the floor and chuck it off a bridge.
But then light comes in. There it is, sparkling off one of the broken pieces. What is that... hope? Unexpected humor? Stubborn resilience? A moment of intense joy at a sunset?
The light keeps us going. It helps us see the beauty that's possible in the emerging image of this new self, this whole self we're becoming.
#RelearningNormal #abuserecovery #cPTSD #cptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #domesticabusesurvior #narcissisticandemotionalabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissistrecovery #narcabuseawareness #divorcinganarcissist
#warsanshire
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#narcissist #narcissistic #narcisism #narcissistabuse #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuseawareness #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #narcism #narc #narcabuse #narcabuseawareness #narcabuserecovery #narcissists #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #manipulation #manipulative #manipulated #manipulator #survivingnarcissistabuse #emotionalmanipulator #emotionalmanipulators #emotionalmanipulatorawareness
#narcissist #narcissistic #narcisism #narcissistabuse #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuseawareness #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #narcism #narc #narcabuse #narcabuseawareness #narcabuserecovery #narcissists #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #manipulation #manipulative #manipulated #manipulator #survivingnarcissistabuse #emotionalmanipulator #emotionalmanipulators #emotionalmanipulatorawareness
Sadly I do. I learned to tuck my feelings away and better control of it now. Regardless of what I feel for you, I still don't want anything to do with you anymore.
#narcissist #narcissistic #narcisism #narcissistabuse #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuseawareness #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #narcism #narc #narcabuse #narcabuseawareness #narcabuserecovery #narcissists #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #manipulation #manipulative #manipulated #manipulator #survivingnarcissistabuse #emotionalmanipulator #emotionalmanipulators #emotionalmanipulatorawareness #youkeepcallingmecrazy