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Всем хороших выходных♥️ П. С. Я и мой большой рот в конкурсе мисс Спартак не учавствуем
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Does anyone else need to repeat each of these positive thoughts over and over again?
I’m working hard to get back to my positive mindset and believe in my body’s ability to get and stay pregnant again. It’s been a real journey and my faith has taken a hit within the last few months but I’m feeling stronger and better and ready to keep going.
Here are a few of the things that I’ve decided that I HAVE to tell myself every day in hopes that these thoughts become second nature (some are on the letter board and some aren’t):
- I will GET pregnant
- I will STAY pregnant
- (When I’m pregnant) having a cup of coffee won’t cause a miscarriage
- (When I’m pregnant) having sex won’t cause a miscarriage
- I am fully-capable of carrying my own child to term and having a safe delivery
- The past will not repeat itself, remember “Different Pregnancy, Different Outcome”
So these thoughts are for now, for the future and to ease my anxiety about ever being pregnant again because right now - the thought of pregnancy sends me into a panic. The fear of a THIRD miscarriage is real. However, I no longer think that I “won’t make it through” another miscarriage because I truly didn’t think I would get through either of the ones I’ve had but here I am: breathing, living, and moving forward.
No matter what season of this journey you are currently in, I hope this speaks to you and calms your anxiety even for a second. If you waiting to see a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever, please believe that it will happen. If you are afraid of seeing a positive pregnancy test because you are afraid of another loss, you are capable of carrying your child. I fully believe in each of you and the blessings that are coming all of our ways!
With Mother’s Day coming up, I want to remind any of you struggling to try for your first child that just because you are childless, it doesn’t mean you are less than anyone else.
We live in a world where we compare ourselves to strangers on the internet. There is no way around that and it’s natural to do so. When you are trying to conceive, struggling to conceive, battling infertility and science, or recovering from a loss, holidays like this are difficult because reminders are not only on social media but they are in your local grocery stores, restaurants, TV commercials, ads on Google, you literally cannot get away from the word “MOTHER” this time of year. This time of year especially it’s so important to remember that just because you don’t have a child in your arms (yet) that doesn’t mean that you are any less than those who do.
It’s okay to feel the sting of the reminder that another year has passed and things may not look different but we have to keep moving forward because in a year everything can be drastically different. This time last year, I had never even seen a positive pregnancy test. I felt so disconnected from the pain of Mother’s Day because I hadn’t even gotten close to that feeling. This year, it’s so different and depending on the day - it’s better or worse. I’ve seen a positive pregnancy test twice and still am not celebrating Mother’s Day with a child in my arms but I am holding on to hope that next year I’ll have my rainbow and I’ll look back and think “it was all worth it.” Take care of yourselves during this holiday weekend ya’ll. Hide out at home to get away from the chaos, stuff your face with ice cream, watch reruns of your favorite shows, do what YOU need to do to make YOURSELF feel good. Just remember: everything can change in a year
April 29th, 2019 // Today should have been our first baby’s due date.
It honestly seems like yesterday that I took a pregnancy test (thinking there was no way I was pregnant naturally) and then I saw the word “PREGNANT” and I was hysterical. It was the moment I spent a year and a half waiting for and the joy that I felt was everything I imagined. From there I had my beta levels checked and everything was perfect - I loved that child from the second I knew they existed and it breaks my heart that they weren’t meant to be in this world with me.
Even though that baby existed for only a short amount of time, they taught me so much about my strength and my ability to keep going. Not to mention, it gave me hope that I could get pregnant because at that point I was starting to wonder if I would ever see a positive pregnancy test.
I like to imagine that our baby is in heaven in their healthiest form and maybe with their brother/sister looking down on us. Rooting for us every step of the way.
One day, I don’t know know when, we will have our rainbow baby in our arms and we will tell them all about the angels that they have looking over them and how we went through so much to get to them. Thinking about those moments keeps me going on days like today.