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Palmer Adoption Fact: The day the Honey became ours, Riley asked me “See, don’t you wish you would have just listened to me and knew it was all going to turn out just right? ” I had actually been thinking about that a lot before he even asked. My response “No. I needed to have fear, I needed to not be 100% certain about the future. Because of that, my testimony has grown in ways it never has. My relationship with my Heavenly Father became even more real. I needed to be on my knees pleading for help on the other side. “ As hard and scary these last 6 months have been, I wouldn’t change them bc it has made my faith unwavering.
People told me there’s no way I could get two good babies in a row Well, say hello to number two unicorn baby Honey-Bee is eating like it’s her hobby, sleeping like she can’t get enough and so patient with The Squeeze when she tries to feed her her fishies or makes her move her body in involuntary ways ♀️ (don’t worry, we supervise) Honey is a dream come true!
Bassinet- @shoplovedua
Blanket- @woollycloudus
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We added another little girl to our clan today. While we may have missed the first year of her life, it seems like she was ours all along. Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways, but he definitely had a plan for this little peanut all along. Welcome our sweet Ainsley to our family. We never imagined having 2 girls 12 months apart but let the adventure begin. •
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#adoption #adoptionjourney #offical #momofgirls #girlmom #lovewhatmatters #adoptionrocks #family #lovemakesafamily #familylife #mamasgirl
These two, I can’t imagine them not being together. I am overwhelmed when I think of how their stories intertwine with ours and how out of brokenness, each of us have been made whole. In Foster care, when you get a call for placement, chances are you’re not going to know much about the child they are calling about, sometimes they just don’t have much information.. When we got the call for Nicole, we were told that she was a preemie, but she was happy and healthy and that this would be an emergency placement, meaning that she could be in our care only until they found a relative to take her. We had literally just gotten our home license 24hrs before, I was at the hospital photographing a client’s birth, it was a whirlwind of information but I immediately said yes. 24 hrs later we were heading to Austin to meet her. Being first time foster parents, we were terrified but so excited to finally be able to pour out our love, our hearts were literally overflowing. We had only been in the room for about an hour when the doctors came in during their rounds and began to discuss her case with us... what we heard hit us like a ton of bricks. Her mom, due to drug use, had a placental abruption, which cut off her oxygen supply. She had suffered multiple strokes due to hypoxia and when they finally delivered her, she was medically dead. She was blue, there was no heart rate, no respiratory function, there was no life. And yet, by the grace and power of God, they were able to work on her and bring her little body back to life. She had copious amounts of drugs in her system, she had severe injuries to her brain due to the lack of oxygen and the doctors painted a very grim picture of her future. To say we were terrified and heartbroken would be an understatement. For the months following, Coley was on heart meds, anti seizure meds, she saw a neurologist, cardiologist, developmental specialist, feeding specialist, OT/PT practically on a daily basis. We went through withdrawals, we went through severe GERD, projectile vomiting, sleepless nights, & in those trenches we saw more miracles then I can even begin to express to you. Cont. below
“That last day” .
I’ve typed and back spaced a million times. Warning ⚠️ Some pretty emotional stuff in here...
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So what is that day like? It’s usually full of smiles and tears. Us explaining to our children where the child is going. Or even harder...explaining to older children that they have to move again. That’s the ultimate worst! Especially when they’re going to a home that’s not really home at all. .
There’s just so much more to it than just leaving. Will they come back? Will their parents be ok? Will they be happy, cared for? And oh my gosh the part that breaks my heart every time...Will they think we didn’t want them anymore? Gosh the GUILT! People always tell me not to feel guilty. I know they mean well but the guilt is legit! It’s a part of it. What I really want to say is this (and I’m going to just put it out there.) Don’t tell me not to feel guilty! Imagine having to place your child, a child you cared for and you are the only mother they’ve known, into a car seat, a STRANGERS car...and buckle them in while they are screaming...or worse...while staring at you with these wide, confused eyes. Eyes that are saying a thousand words “where am i going”, “why aren’t I in our car Mommy?”, “why aren’t you coming with me!” “Why are you letting them take me?” When you see that in their eyes...there is no other emotion but GUILT! Because they don’t understand. Because you may have rocked them since they were born and woken up every night to feed them knowing they might leave but they thought this was their home! Why wouldn’t they think that? It’s natural. It’s how it should be. They should be in one home. Not ripped from their first home. They should have security, stability. But they don’t! And when they leave, we’ve broken their trust. Even though we had no choice. It’s still done. It’s still real. My guilt is real. Their pain is real. .
I hope I didn’t get too deep there. ♀️ .
How do we deal with all that? We keep hope alive! Hope that their parents will succeed. That whoever they go to treats them well, loves them well. Hope is what gets us through our goodbyes.
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This is a photo of the boys praying over a baby before she left.
Becoming a mom has been a painful process. I’ve never been faced with my selfishness like I have in the past year. And I fought it. I believed lies and clawed my way through the transition.
But now I see the light...sometimes
I’m starting to understand the grace in the process of becoming. There is peace in the chaos, there is hope in the trauma, what is now will not be forever and I can embrace my faults. I snap, I shame, I repent and I ask them for forgiveness. We hug, we cry, we extended eternal love to one another.
Us moms need to embrace the walk of motherhood more than the shame of failure in the moment. This Sunday is Mother’s Day and also marks 1 year of being a family. It’s not lost on me that the day we celebrate our family foreverness is also the national day to celebrate motherhood. I think God is pulling me into his lap with a giant smile saying, “it’s all a giant journey my daughter, this walk is as much about you as it is about them and there will always be unending grace. Remember to fall into my peace when you start trying to do this on your own.” #honestparenting #vscocam #adoptionrocks
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