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We have been told to develop good habits and discard the bad ones. Feed the good thoughts and starve the bad ones. Remember the good memories and hide from the painful ones. This is inward resistance.
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It works as long as we desire a slow progress towards something called acceptable. This resistance of the “bad” is the reason why our society is deeply conflicted.
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We love to show that we are kind and generous , yet deep down burning with envy and distrust. We say we are loving, but our love is restricted to the people we agree with, and for the rest we couldn’t care less. We want security for all, and yet verbally attack at the first provocation. We all want inner beauty but are so attached to the display of outer beauty. We want self-love and yet all we do is compare ourselves with others.
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This ‘trying to change’ oneself and failing repeatedly is a battle we have all have known. It’s depressing to see ourselves fall short, and yet we keep trying harder. There is an entirely different approach to change, one which points towards ending all internal conflict and resistance.
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If we understand this, everything becomes clear. The negative is also me, as much as the positive is. Accepting this is the very first step. Not superficially, but deeply accepting such that there’s no longer a conflict.
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The resistance to the negative, feeds the negative and makes it stronger, because it’s not ‘negative’ in the first place. We have just labeled it as ‘negative’. In reality, it’s just who we are.
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When we admit that, and stop resisting, the two halves become whole. The negative and positive disappear and we become who we are, for the very first time.
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Complete and integrated human begins, capable of doing anything we desire. Does this mean we never change at all? To the contrary, the change now becomes irreversible and permanent. .
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To try and change one’s experiences is to get caught in a battle with life. It is to try and change the winds, when one is merely a leaf.
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A leaf has no power to change the winds, but it has the power to withstand them. To withstand is not to hold strong and suffer, but to move lightly in the direction of the drift.
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This gentle movement without resistance is the act of listening, of patience, of care, of love and of surrender. The blade of grass that bends survives the great storm, while the oak gets uprooted.
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This inward change required to understand the forces of life is not a result of changing our experiences, but of changing the one who experiences. This change is to become soft and in the process, receive incredible strength.
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When we fight fear we become afraid and small, quivering with each new threat of suffering and pain. When we become one with fear, we also become indestructible.
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When we don’t resist, we can’t be overpowered by the forces of life. It is only our resistance that can be overpowered.
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The experiencer only changes when there is complete acceptance of the experience. And that acceptance, is the beginning of our freedom.
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Taking a moment to appreciate pushing past a rough season.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I was feeling immense self doubt, fell off almost all of the positive habits that helped create a lot of the good in my life. I brought myself myself back to square one, when I fought so hard to get as far away as I could from mediocrity.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It’s amazing how self sabotaging we can be to ourselves with out even realizing it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Marianne Williamson says “It’s not your choice wether you learn, It’s your choice wether you learn through joy or through pain” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I guess I chose pain this time ♀️ (lol) in all seriousness, all I can do is forgive myself for my poor choices, acknowledge that it happend one day at a time and one day at a time I will shift it back.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I’m been feeling like my old self, the self I’m proud of again,I’m feeling Fabulous!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Cheers to fresh starts!! .
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Even if one only sees 3/6 changes mentioned above, that is still progress.
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Progress mostly happens gradually over a period of years, sometimes we jump ahead and sometimes we regress. Yet we have no option but to continue walking on the path of self-understanding without pressure, forcing or striving.
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The path is long but ultimately rewarding. It makes our life easy ( though not free of challenges ) and by consequence also affects the lives of those around us.
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How many changes out of 6 do you see?
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Unresolved past is a major reason why we feel stuck, as if we aren’t free to do whatever we want. The reality is we are stuck indeed.
We are stuck because we aren’t able to let go of what happened. We are unable to see that often the people involved had no other way to act, given their level of awareness and their understanding of themselves.
We are unable to accept that sometimes there are no answers. That when there are answers, they aren’t about changing the past, but only about reinterpreting it.
Reinterpreting the past is to understand it deeply. Until we understand something we keep asking, “Why did this happen to me?”. Our mind cannot drop a problem it hasn’t yet completely solved. Therefore it keeps ruminating, sometimes even dreaming about the problem as it looks for solutions at the conscious and at the subconscious level.
This is why observing one’s mind without trying to change it, becomes necessary. So that we may have an insight into our hurts, our unresolved problems and reinterpret them. When we get to the bottom we either reinterpret or understand that there is no answer. Then we can move on.
The resolution happens only when we face ourselves, not avoid. Avoidance leads to isolated pockets of peace and happiness. Facing something creates temporary discomfort, but it is also the source of real internal power.
To face something is to observe it carefully, step by step without getting pulled into what is being observed. To maintain a curious, playful and careful attitude as we observe ourselves. Observing while hesitating to draw hasty conclusions, watching the unfolding of our thoughts and spill their well-kept secrets.
Once the past is resolved it is possible to fully heal with no marks left behind. One only needs to figure out how.
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Whatever you are putting your energy, thoughts + actions into - that is what will grow, flourish. Whatever is flourishing will be stronger.
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Most of us believe that if we accept our life and mental state as it is right now we would never change. We have been conditioned to believe that inward change is a result of great effort and trying.
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What happens when trying doesn’t work? When we repeat the same mental patterns, same addictions for years or even decades and never change. What happens when we realize that we are repeating our past, no matter how hard we try to be a different person? What happens when we realize that all our changes are only superficial, but deep down it all feels the same ?
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This brings us to acceptance. Acceptance is seeing the situation without fighting it, without wishing it were any other way. This releases the stress we are constantly under, because of the pressure to change.
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The release of this stress allows us to observe closely the truth of what’s happening. When we observe, we have an insight and that insight takes us into a new state of being. A total and radical change from what was.
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But we don’t accept because we are afraid to be stuck being jobless, single, depressed, addicted forever. Ironically it is the rejection of the present that keeps us trapped in it forever. On the other hand, accepting the present opens the door to surrender and change.
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