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There is a particular way of playing with children that can provide great fun and, at the same time, help them resolve some of their hesitancies, fears and worries. It is a child-guided play, in which you take a role that builds your child’s confidence and resilience through laughter.
We call it playlistening.
Playlistening begins any time you allow your child to take the powerful role in play, casting yourself in the role of the smaller, slower, less competent one. Your child is clever, and you are dim-witted. Your child is strong, and you are weak. Your child is graceful, and you are clumsy. Your child is bold, and you are shy.
You’re not giving up your parental responsibilities. You’re offering your child a bit of relief from the rigors of childhood, which include being smaller, weaker, less respected, less skilled, and less free to determine how life goes. The laughter that results when your child finds herself more powerful than you will release significant tensions. It will also bring you both closer.
To begin Playlistening, simply notice what lets your child laugh, and do more of it.
What comes to mind right now? What was the last thing you laughed about with your child?
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I’ll never forget when our older son was about seven years old and we were considering enrolling him in a Waldorf-inspired homeschool program. I brought him for a visit, and when I heard the director of the program reading the children a story about a fox being killed, I took her aside afterwards and told her that our son was highly sensitive to the topic of death and that he wouldn’t be able to handle these kinds of stories. She turned to me with a look bordering on disdain and said, “Well, how is he going to handle the real world?” I felt shamed and judged, which was shocking considering the environment we were in, and needless to say our son did not attend that program. .
For years, my husband and I edited out the death scenes in both books and movies (and avoided most films altogether). It was simply too much for his highly sensitive soul to bear, and if we failed to do so the result would be increased fear at night and often sleeplessness. So we honored and tended, patiently trusting (or at least hoping) that he would eventually outgrow it. And he did. Shortly before he entered his teenage years, something inside of him solidified, and the sensitivity to death dropped away altogether. .
That educator wasn’t the only person who judged us for our choices. We were told many times, either explicitly or covertly, that we were “coddling" our son in a variety of ways. We learned that “coddling” is the word used by people who are uncomfortable with emotional sensitivity, and feel that it’s their place to teach parents how to "toughen up" their kids. Yet nothing is gained by forcing a sensitive child to endure images, topics, and situations that are more than they can handle. We expose our kids to too many intense images and violence these days, from video games to media and even books, pushing them through the innocence of childhood and asking them to grow up too quickly. The result is children-then-adults who feel anxious, scared, and disconnected from their true nature. .
If “coddling” means tending closely to the emotional life of your sensitive child, then coddle away.
How can you listen to yourself this week? Meet your needs? Orient? Ground? Can you stop to feel the beating of your heart? #awareparenting #parenting #support #ground #listen #awareparenting #joy #love #nvc #handinhandparenting #drneufeld #gabormate #traumahealing #somaticexperiencing #shefalitsabary
It’s Cleft Lip & Palate Awareness Week, and 5 more sleeps until this little one turns 5 ✌ Turning 5 also means that we have the next big Cleft review coming up soon, where they’ll take moulds of his teeth, and discuss next steps such as the likelihood of needing a bone graft for his gum notch. So lucky, and forever grateful, to have an amazing team around us
“I am not a good enough parent.” Now there’s a fear all of us can relate to! We expect perfection of ourselves, perfection that no one in the world has ever achieved. All it takes is one day in the presence of a child we adore to notice that we can’t pay perfect attention, we can’t solve every difficulty. We can’t move every boulder in the way of our child’s bliss.
We are the parents our children want. They want us. Not someone else. We’re the ones they choose. They don’t want us to dwell on the negative, even if we just finished being hard on them a moment ago. They want us out there, playing. Laughing. Holding their hand. They want us, not some pre-fabricated version of a “perfect parent.” Share this with someone and let them know - they are more than enough! They are loved and adored!
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#handinhandparenting, #consciousparenting, #respectfulparenting, #awareparenting, #gentleparenting, #kindparenting, #motherhood, #motherhoodsimplified, #motherhoodrising, #momlife, #ig_motherhood, #ohheymama, #holdthemoments, #rawmotherhood, #dailyparenting, #peacefulparenting, #lifewellcaptured, #parenthood, #parentlife
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