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Dear Rainbow - We are coming for you.

A single pink line. How can a line be full of such pain? Each month when it was time to test was just dreadful, already knowing what it was going to say, instinctively preparing my heart for the disappointment. Taking pregnancy tests while struggling with infertility creates for some of the most anticlimactic moments of your life. Its as if you know you’re supposed to be excited, but the single pink lines from your past haunt you into believing you will never see anything more. How do we come back from that? It wasn’t until I took a break from TTC and I allowed my wounds to heal, that I truly realized the scars that they have left behind. Thinking of the days not far ahead where we’ll begin on part 2 of our journey, I imagine what it will be like to face one of those tests again. I’ll be honest- it isn’t a moment I am excited for. And you know what, I HATE that. I hate that infertility has ROBBED me from the joy of this experience, that I’m terrified to be TOO hopeful because all I have been in the past is let down. So, it’s time to face the scars. I know that opening a door to a new chapter, means that I must close the door to the past. It means that I have to pull these skeletons out of my closet (well, really from under my bathroom sink) and look them straight in the face and BOLDY PROCLAIM that they have NO power over me anymore. That these single pink lines, even though they will always be apart of my story, they have a new meaning today and tomorrow. That I must no longer look at these single pink lines as shackles & defeat, but as opportunities where God can reveal himself. And well, that’s just what I did. I have bags & bags of these silly sticks under my sink. I could throw them out, start fresh and try to completely rid myself of what my past has put me through. But I felt as though my heart will never be able to really escape how the negatives have made me feel. So here I sit, taking CHARGE of my own journey & personally changing these negatives into something positive so I can move on without fear. Reminding myself that my hope lies in a God who is ABLE. And for every step that is ahead, no matter ONE line or TWO- He meets me right where I am.

I know the feeling & I understand the guilt..

You never know who your story will inspire. ❤️⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ ⁣ #infertility #fertility #ttccommunity #infertilitysucks #ttcsisters #ttcjourney #ivf #infertilityjourney #fertilitytips #fertilityjourney #infertilityawareness #pcos #ttcsupport #infertilitysupport #infertilitycommunity #endometriosis #endometriosisawareness #endosupport #inspiration #inspire #hope #faith #ivfcommunity #ivfsupport

You guys, I’m just in total dream land right now!⠀ - ⠀ We got our second beta results back and the number more than doubled! We went from 873 at 11DP5DT to 2,089 at 13DP5DT!⠀ -⠀ So our sweet little baby is moving and growing right along! We have our first ultrasound scheduled for April 17th!⠀ -⠀ I had to buy a pregnancy test because gosh dang it, I wanted to see my FIRST EVER BFP in our SIX YEARS of trying. (I totally even filmed it ‍♀️)⠀ -⠀ So now we are on to another two week wait until the ultrasound. I’ve got two more pregnancy tests, and I’m going to take one each week until the ultrasound just to ease my mind a little.⠀ -⠀ As an IVF warrior, it’s super weird to not be at the doctors at least twice a week, so being gone for two whole weeks kinda freaks me out. ⠀ -⠀ But we are super thankful for our high HcG levels and can’t wait to see this little bean!!⠀ -⠀

I was so nervous today but thankfully we got to see the yolk sack. Positive and about right for 5-6 weeks. Booked in for 2 weeks time to see if we have a heartbeat ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ #cornersofmyworld #lifestyleblogger #nothingisordinary #ivf #ivfcommunity #ttc #ttcsupport #blogger #ttccommunity #ivfjourney #community #infertility #fingerscrossed #oneday #prayingforamiracle #ivfjourney #ivfsupport #icsi #life #2019 #fertility #april

So much pain. ⁣ So very tired. ⁣ Yet so incredibly happy. ❤️⁣ ⁣ As hard as post-surgical / NICU life is,⁣ I gotta give it up to the incredible nurses that help ease your concerns and take such amazing care of your babies. Taking that stress off of a parent who is also healing is an incredible gift. #jackwrandall #3daysold

So in love with these sticks I would do this journey all over again just to see that little word 'pregnant '

This is infertility.