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Why can one teacher manage your child, but the next can’t? Why can one grandparent manage your child, but the other can’t? Why can one expert give you advice that feels warm in your heart, yet the other expert makes you feel like there is something gravely wrong with your child?
Why does your child make you so angry, yet this doesn’t seem to bother you partner (or vice versa). The answer comes down to triggering. I see it so clearly now, but years ago I couldn’t see it. I didn’t believe in myself as a mother, how could I when I had a spirited child. What did I know about parenting, I was clearly failing? Yet here’s the thing, it was the other adults that were failing, not my child. The ones that were giving me incorrect advice. The ones who were so deeply triggered by my child that they would tell me incorrect truths about my parenting and my child’s behaviour. I see this now like a neon flashing sign ‘Their wounded inner child was being triggered’. It should also come with a siren, ‘alert, alert, alert’. If anyone is giving you advice about your child that is to do with fear and control, and not love and connection, they are not your people. If they do not see your child as a whole, with an energetic personality that simply wants to be heard, seen and validated, they are not your people. If they want to ridicule your parenting and tell you to be more firm, put in more control, more parameters; they are not your people.
See their words mirroring back to their inner child. The child that wasn’t seen, heard or validated and SEE that the only issue here is their issue. Your child is simply just being themselves and its the adult’s in their world that are being triggered by their inner wounded child. If you head to my bio @susy_parker, you can read my blogs on this.
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It’s not their fault, it’s been a parenting and teaching mistake over the last few generations that has cost us all greatly. We’ve become seperate from ourselves and from each other. We haven’t learned to love ourselves and each other. Fear and disconnect has been in the driving seat and it’s up to us to change it. Have faith in yourself & your child and witness the triggers that surround you.
We only have to look at the amount of adults that are suffering to see that the way we were raised was wrong. It's not our parents fault, or our grandparents fault, they were only raising their children how they were raised. There is a new shift in humanity which is causing a shift in the way that we need to parent our children.
Our children are angry, anxious, sad, unfocused, head strong and determined. Some of their traits trigger us so deeply that we yell, shout, belittle and say unkind things to them. We don’t understand the cause and then we feel guilt and shame afterwards, which pushes our inner wounded child further into their shell. The trigger that you feel is a part of you that wasn’t heard, seen or acknowledged when you were a child. This is the part of you that is so deeply affected that when your child doesn’t listen or wants to do their own thing; you are triggered. This is also why so many teachers are triggered by our children.
The anxiety, sadness and anger that your child displays is simply that part of you that feels anxious, sad and angry. The inner child that so desperately needs to remember their self worth and their light, before the conditioning and the controlled parenting and teaching took place. If you want to know how to change your child, you must work within. They are simply mirroring out to the world, what is going on inside you.I will be giving you some tools tomorrow that can help you as for the first time in my entire life, I have finally discovered how to do this work.
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We are raised to see that anger is wrong, yet it has so many beautiful lessons if we sit within its power and witness our wounded inner child. It holds the key to make significant changes in our lives, which will ultimately change the course of our childrens lives to one of peace and love.
I will be writing a blog on this tomorrow, as its too big for social media, so please head to my bio and subscribe so you can receive the blog in your inbox.
Your child is your greatest teacher, they are here to heal you.
Susy x
Breathe.
By Jacob Trimble
When you wake up and your body’s shaking
Hearts pounding, minds racing
Take a moment and let it be
Just breathe
When the thoughts are scrambled inside your head
And they seem to go on without and end
Bringing up your worries and fears
Doing all you can to fight back tears
Take a moment and let it be
Just breathe
When your chest begins to feel tight
And your mind says “something’s not right”
And brings up every worst case scenario
Sometimes you’ve got to let it go
Take a moment and let it be, just breathe
When you don’t know exactly what to do
Have faith that God will carry you
Through all the struggles and the pain
You’ll see the rainbow after the rain
So take a moment and let it be
Just breathe.
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We teach kids how to be empathetic and caring to others by first being empathetic and caring to them. Sometimes it’s hard when they have such big feelings about things like what cup they use or what yogurt they eat (or was that just me this morning). Being empathetic means we try to understand their perspective, it means we know that even though their problems don’t seem big to us, it is important to them. It’s not about trying to get their big emotions to stop, but we are teaching them their inner voice, a way to be gentle to themselves as they grow.
Empathy is saying “that must be really hard”. Or “It’s so tough to go to bed when you just want to have fun.” Or “Your feelings matter, even when I disagree with you.” It doesn’t mean we give in to them (in fact boundaries are also key - post on this coming later this week), but it means we understand them and can connect with their feelings instead of rejecting feelings.
How do you empathize with your kids? Tell us more below!
Setting the stage for success is so important when supporting kids with their big feelings (and honestly also supporting adults in their big feelings!) Here’s a few tips that I shared last week in the stories (saved under the toddler highlight). How do you set up the environment for success for your kids? Share your tips below!
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Follow @ourmamavillage for mental health and behaviour support for parents ❤️
The face of a child who feels all of the things in the biggest of ways
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Anyone else have a sensitive babe who struggles to process their feelings? We try to sit with and support Luna as she moves through her emotions but her new found ‘expression’ has thrown us for a bit of a loop. Hubby and I are fairly laid back people but this spicy little gal seems to growl and scream all of her requests. I get that it’s her way of communicating (not yet having the words) but how do we teach her that peaceful communication is most effective? Don’t get me wrong, she does have a soft, contemplative side but navigating this spirited phase (maybe not a phase?) is making it a little difficult to remain present to our attachment parenting ways.
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Any insight AP folks?
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They will never listen to these words…⠀
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Did you know that our thoughts directly impact our behaviors and our feelings? Our mind is so powerful and sometimes it tries to trick us into believing things that aren’t true. So fight back! ✨This weekend challenge the negative thoughts and irrational thinking that leads to unhelpful behaviors and big feelings. This is not easy and takes practice but give it a try! #everydayconnections #mentalhealthawareness #thoughts
"It takes a village to raise a child. That’s true. But the key differentiator for any mother is to know which ‘village’ to raise the child in. We help with that choice." To learn more about our story check out our recent interview with Khaleej Times: https://www.khaleejtimes.com/parents-go-to-source-for-childcare-services Visit us at www.urbancircle.ae to find all the support you need in your parenting journey!
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