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Don't think it, don't say it.
The Bye Bye Man
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I tried some new things
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Dt: idk
Ac: my blood // @ spookyaudios
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The Bye Bye Man
A long time ago some friends and I embarked on what we were hoping would be a Goonies-esque adventure (spoiler alert: it wasn't) in search of the entrance to some long rumored underground tunnels in my town. "What was that?" We were stopped in our tracks, afraid to be caught where we obviously didn't belong. We all kept quiet listening for the source of our startlement when out of no where came the loudest and wettest fart from goddamn Paul Slindermen.
In what was probably the dumbest decision, Paul stuck his hand down the back of his shorts and what emerged was... well exactly what you think.
In another terrible decision Paul tried to shake the alien goo off of his hand and ended up speckling himself with brown dots, like a poop dalmatian.
And the craziest part was Paul didn't even want to go home and shower and change his close. He wanted to continue with this quest but we all put our foot down.
Now how does this connect to the movie? Well I think of this moment every time I hear someone refer to this film as The Pee Pee Poo Poo Man.
Ok that's, a stretch maybe I just wanted to take another shit (literally) on that asshole Paul Slindermen.
So The Best Buy Man, when I first saw the trailer I thought, "God this looks fucking stupid. I have to see it!" cuz I've resigned myself to this hell of watching endless garbage films for your entertainment but I'm surprisingly shocked to tell you that the film is actually...
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Trash. What did you think I was gonna say it was good? The premise is just some half baked Slender Man meme which is exactly as dull as it sounds. There's practically no body count, Carrie Anne Moss is absolutely wasted in an extremely limited role, and some of the creepy moments in the trailer aren't even in the film.
Ok there actually is a 5 minute stretch during the climax that resembles a good film. Like I actually let out a hearty "oh shit" so maybe it's not a total loss, right? I mean some films don't even give me 5 minutes they're just straight trash. Maybe those 5 minutes make it worth it?
Nope. Still shit. Like Paul's pants.
Welcome to 2019 y'all, here's to another year of watching garbage films together!
Shhhhh ..... "Don't think it, don't say it"....... THE BYE BYE MAN @thebyebyeman (Now out on DVD/BluRay/streaming).
My make-up by the brilliant Robert Kurtzman @rlkurtzman .
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