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There was a place in me that knew
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That I could and would heal. Despite what every doctor and specialist told me about the damage, the prognosis, the lack of ‘cure’, the ‘FACT’ that it was chronic and I would just have to manage my symptoms
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Despite a depth of fear, trauma, and despair that truly I still don’t have the words for - but I know many reading this don’t need the words, as they experientially know - from feeling this too
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But yet, I woke up and I tried. I went down epic rabbit holes of fear based choices leading to over treatment, specialists that charged so much who knew less than I did
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But still - somewhere deep down, I just KNEW, like we all do....
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And when I realised that this was the feeling, the place, the home that I had been searching for outside of me
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Then I began to grow this place in me. What tools, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, got me closer to that place to nest deeper?
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What treatments, fears, thought patterns, beliefs, emotions took me further away from this place of knowing? And having the courage to know that where I placed my attention and energy and belief - was a choice
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I am well now, after a wild ride to get here :) But still, from a place now of curiosity and wonder - I find ways that feel juicy, of accessing this place of knowing. As from here I can choose beautifully what is true and good for me
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Within this presence is where the immune system self regulates, the parasympathetic branch of our nervous system takes over to heal and repair us, where our heart patterns are coherent and regulate our brain and body, where our neurotransmitters balance, where we signal our genes to express for health. We know all this now from psychoneuroimmunology being able to map these pathways
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So here is me sitting in an ice bath with Herbert the duck cheering me on, snuggled deep in this place of knowing. Teaching my brain and nervous system over and over to live in presence where there’s no sad yesterday and no scary tomorrow, just my limitless self right now. This is just an imperfect practice. I am not special or different to anyone else. I will blog post resources for the Wim Hof method tomorrow.