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I mentioned previously that ‘protest behaviours’ are one of the indicators that you may have an anxious attachment style.
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Protest behaviours are things that we do (often subconsciously) to force a reassuring response from our partner.
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The earliest form of these behaviours came out when we were infants. When we needed care, attention and comfort we would cry, scream and have temper tantrums.
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As adults, these behaviours arise in response to when we feel like our partners aren’t being responsive or attentive enough.
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Protest behaviours look like…
-Calling/ texting/ emailing excessively typically when our partner hasn’t contacted us in a while. -Withdrawing & icing out partner as punishment when your partner has (typically unintentionally) withdrawn from you.
-Keeping score on things like how long it takes for them to respond to you, or to initiate sex, or to initiate a hug. This is to ‘test’ how much your partner loves you, and when they fail the test we use this as ammunition to respond in kind.
-Acting openly hostile to partner by rolling eyes, pretending you aren’t listening or looking away/ yawning when they are talking.
-Acting busy when you aren’t, saying you have plans or pretending to be occupied by something else when you aren’t actually pre-occupied.
-Cutting off communication and making yourself unavailable on purpose, suddenly being busy when your partner wants to spend time together, making them wait.
-Attempting to make partner jealous by telling them about someone who ‘hit’ on you or by making plans with an ex.
-Threatening to leave your partner, when you have no actual intent to leave.
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The main thing that makes these behaviours 'protest behaviours' is that they are done with the intent to have a response from your partner. To provoke them to respond.
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If you have an anxious attachment see if you can notice when these are happening for you.
& the adventure begins...
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#bridetobe #engaged #engagement #proposal #futurewife #isaidyes #sheasked #marryme #fiance #theknot #weddinginspiration #love #wedding #weddingplanning #gettingmarried #futuremrs&mrsalfalla #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtpride #lgbtcommunity #femme #ido #marriageplanning #teamo #journaling #ideas #onceinalifetimelove #destinationweddings
c o m m u n i c a t i o n.
Wedding planning. Last week every time someone would mention those two words around me, I would cringe. I had reached the point of “I’m so over it.” •
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It’s amazing to see the scale media and society hypnotizes us to think wedding planning is this glamorous, life changing experience equivalent to shitting skittles and riding unicorns. ❌•
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Don’t get me wrong. I am so unbelievably grateful and excited to marry Suril and have a beautiful wedding with the blessings of our loved ones. •
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I just can’t help but feel the need for more foundation than picking the “perfect” venue, “perfect” dress, “perfect” xyz vendor. I mean marriage is a big effing deal so why is there such little talk about marriage planning? Like once the cinderella wedding weekend is over then what? •
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It’s been so eye opening to really talk about what we envision to continue building our empire as Mr. and Mrs. Topics from values, childhood upbringings, fears, our families, current and future lifestyles, financial awareness and growth, kids to career goals came up and by no means were some of these conversations easy. •
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There were tears and laughs all at the same time but learning to share a language and have these convos with a faith and open mindset rather than a fear and closed mindset has been so liberating and surprisingly transformational as a couple. •
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So prettttty much, you’re kinda awesome Sanghvi. Thanks for being that someone that really believes in being happy as an individual and bringing that happiness to our relationship. Love creating a blissful life with you. •
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On a side note, much respect to all the wedding planners and wedding vendors out there who work so hard to help couples and families create their dream weddings. Y’all are the real MVPs! •
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#shernithoughts #mindfulminocha
Post anniversary thought:
Weddings, they’re lots of fun and frankly they’re the easy part.
Marriage, it’s not always fun and yes they take “work” or rather dedication + deep commitment when it’s in its toughest moments.
I wish this were understood better when knee deep in the excitement of wedding planning... I wish we were all more real about ALL the expectation of truly committing to someone.
#relationshipgoals #loveadventure #couplesgoals #marriedlife #marriage #reallove #weddingday #bride #marriageplanning #husbandgoals #wifegoals #commitment #courage #connection #lastinglove #lovestory
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight;
Create anyway.
People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten;
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway. - Mother Teresa •
I will do my best to pursue the call of Christ with my husband regardless of the opinions or actions of others. We will sell out, look insane, endure hardship, and sometimes be misunderstood. I am so thankful that God gave me this incredible man to walk through this crazy, beautiful life with. We’re proof that God often does use people who are broke, busted, and sometimes disgusted to bring Him glory. Where you go, I will go.
#hereiamsendme #doitanyway #happiness #runners #dreamers #doers #believers #wife #marriage #ido #iwill #forthiscauseilive #fulltimervliving #weddingday #marriageplanning #motherteresa #bride #wifey #isaidyes #mrs #reidourlovestory #husband : @photosbytitus
My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground. Thank you Jesus for the precious gift of marriage. The memories of our wedding day and my first 24 hours as a wife have blown my wildest dreams out of the water. I am blessed beyond measure. #wifeyforlifey #marriageplanning #weddingring #ido #hillsong #honeymooners #married #happilyeverafter #isaidyes #reidourlovestory #misstomrs
We can’t stop Gods will, His word stands firm, but we certainly can delay or ignore it. Have you ever felt prompted from deep within your soul to begin training for something? I have. There were a few times when I listened to that urgency and prepared. Other seasons of life have brought me so many distractions that I shoved those thoughts down and tucked them away for “later”. •
God’s timeline so often does not match the ones we’ve constructed for ourselves. I learned that the hard way. Opportunities started suddenly presenting themselves over and over for me to step into the very thing that I should have been training for. The door was open for me and yet.... I wasn’t ready. Not. Even. Close. God didn’t wait around for me during those times, He brought someone else in to fill the gap I had created. Yikes... talk about an embarrassing time out. •
It’s easy for us to come up with excuses about why we don’t have the time to develop our gifts, start that business that will set us free to follow, or train our minds and bodies so we have the endurance to run with Him. The last time I gave God the excuse that I “didn’t have the time” , time is exactly what I got back in return. Lots and lots of time far from the dreams within my heart.
God doesn’t NEED us - God WANTS us.
The question is, how bad do we want Him?•
I have made the time for deep, intense, and intentional training in this season. I feel a change coming and God has been speaking to my heart so strong about physical preparation. It’s not about just being skinny or eating clean. This is a radical identity shift into strength internally and externally. That’s why I love the term “bootcamp” because it communicates fierce discipline. We are a voluntary army of women equipping one another to rise to the next level of whatever God has for us. •
Yes we are very busy, some of the girls on our team work three jobs ! I am currently planning a wedding, downsizing for full time RV living, running my online businesses, managing autoimmune disease, and prepping for an upcoming surgery. Summon the courage to daily make the time to fight for the next level!! #winyourlife #bootcamp #justdoit
I woke up super irritated this morning. Yesterday’s appointment at Shands did not go exactly how I thought it would. I left feeling confused and very stressed. We have some tough decisions to make within the next few weeks. My life is not all rainbows & unicorns, I sometimes have tough days. Last night I went on and on about how I couldn’t take one more thing going wrong !! That statement was an open invitation for the forces at work in the world to plan their final attack. I basically informed them that one more blow to this glass chin of mine would take me out. Can you guess what happened ? I woke up this morning to a second punch of bad news!! Boom !! •
How do you pull yourself out of a funk? Maybe it is easy for you to bounce back quickly. I used to be that way. I feel like I’ve faced pretty constant battles for the last three years. It’s made it more difficult for me to flip a switch in the morning and wake up in full on warrior mode. Nope, I do not wake up like that. There are action steps that I’ve learned I absolutely must take for me to get my heart and mind ready to tackle the day. I’m not complete until I’ve had my morning meditations, personal development, and chats with my mentors. •
In three days, on September 3rd, booty camp launches ! This group is not only about physical strength. It’s a program that treats our bodies at the cellular level and helps us to develop heath in our mind, body, soul, and spirit. I’ve noticed in my life that as soon as I say, “yes” to something, the world answers with a “we’ll see.” When we are actively working to improve ourselves, we better get ready for an outrageous fight ! Nothing worth having comes easy. That’s why we need backup. We were not made to be an island. •
After reaching out this morning, I feel more equipped to face the battles at hand. Three days until bootcamp ! Three weeks until I marry the love of my life! I’m ready Can’t stop, won’t stop friends. Let’s run our race !! #wecantstop #wewontstop #noroomforpityparties #reachup #iwokeuplikethis #plowthrough #fighter #voluntaryarmy #royalistrising