recurrentpregnancyloss recurrentmiscarriage miscarriage ihadamiscarriage ttcafterloss infertility ttcaftermiscarriage pregnancyloss rainbowbaby ectopicpregnancy miscarriagesupport ttccommunity miscarriageawareness secondaryinfertility miscarriagesurvivor ttcjourney fertility ttcsisters ashermanssyndrome boymom fertilityjourney fertilitysupport infertilityawareness pregnantafterloss rainbowpregnancy angelmom babylosssupport calgarymoms childlessnotbychoice
03.14.19 yet another date that will forever be branded into my mind. This was my last picture with Oakley. Since losing him, I’ve been pretty quite. My grief with Oakley has been extremely different than when we lost Roe. With Roe I was absolutely shocked, devastated, and it was a true out of body experience. Losing Oakley has had me full of pure anger, anxiety, and full of questions about the future.
I took this picture just hours after finding out his heart had stopped, trying to prepare myself for the long hours ahead at the hospital.
I knew I wanted one more picture with him. I didn’t know if I would ever get to take another “bump” picture and I still don’t know the answer to that.
The past month I have had lots of questions from people, basically asking what is wrong with me. Still we have zero answers. Both Roe and Oakley were “perfect” babies. Every test is saying both me and my babies are “perfect”. I struggle with this. Thankful nothing is wrong but longing to find out answers.
I’m just a few days shy of my 29th birthday. And as I look back on this past year, I’m so ready to move on. I will never stop loving or missing my boys in heaven. But this year has taught me a lot and has brought me the worst pain I hope to ever feel. In a weird way losing my boys has helped me find myself, be extra thankful, and to know what true grief is. God’s plan is one we will never understand, but I’m trying so hard to follow his lead. ❤️ #miscarriageawareness #miscarriage #lifeaftermiscarriage #lamfam #1in4 #recurrentmiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #pregnancyloss
Reminder from @goodchivesonly.⠀
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#infertility #infertilitysupport #infertilitywarrior #infertilitysisters #infertilitycommunity #infertilityhope #infertilityhurts #infertilitysucks #infertilityawareness #infertilitystruggles #infertilityjourney #ivf #iui #ttcsisters #tryingtoconceive #miscarriage #ttcafterloss #ttcaftermiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss
Our Lucky #11 is 9 weeks big with a strong heartbeat. We love him just as much as we’ve loved our other 10 little miracles. And we’re praying that we will get to snuggle him in November. ♥️ #babyannouncement #mthfrawareness #recurrentmiscarriage #miscarriageawareness #rainbowbaby #csectionmom #crohnspregnancy #crohnsmom #recurrentpregnancyloss
To the Mother who Shared Pictures of her Dead Son:
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You don’t know me, but 3 years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook, and came upon a link my photographer friend shared. It was to your blog, where you wrote about the birth of your beautiful son, who died a few minutes later, due to anencephaly. I was 20-something weeks pregnant with our daughter, and I cried while reading your words of tribute. His photographs were stunning, and I was in awe of how “normal” a dead baby could look. I could only imagine your heartache, and it seemed incredibly unfair, as our daughter kicked away in my belly the entire time. •
Little did I know, a few months later I would find myself calling my husband to tell him she had died. I immediately remembered your son, and asked my husband if we could have a photographer come to take pictures of our girl. They have become some of our most treasured and protected possessions.
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Were it not for you sharing your son’s photographs, I doubt we would’ve had any taken of our daughter. Not being able to pull up her face on my phone, or see her long little toes next to the urn on her shelf would be agonizing. •
There has been much talk in the loss community regarding a certain post, and why sharing photos of our babies shouldn’t require trigger warnings. My answer to the people who find our pictures disturbing is emphatic, and lengthy.
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But to you, the mom who shared her son with the world, in the most beautiful way, I say, ‘thank you.’ You (and he) gave us the gift of being able to look at our daughter for the rest of our lives, even though she isn’t here. This is one of the [many] reasons why I share our Lillian — to “normalize” baby loss (though I forever wish it wasn’t “normal” for any of us), and that our babies aren’t meant to be hidden away. They are perfect, and their lives have far greater impact than we may ever know.
In my struggle, there have been times when I feel shame because my body doesn’t function it is designed to. It can be easy for my identity to become wrapped up in my fertility. But I’m reminded that my identity isn’t connected to my ability to reproduce, and femininity and womanhood are so much grander and more beautiful than the world often taught. Women are created in the image of our Creator, who designed us with careful intention. Our highest calling is not to be a mother, but rather to glorify God with our whole lives in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. ❤️ #longingformotherhood #pregnancy #fertilityjourney #recurrentpregnancyloss #miscarriagesupport #womanhood #iamworthy #godbeglorified #jcharbor
Happy one week of life, my perfect little love! I could stare at you for the rest of my life... and I probably will. .
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#ivf #invitrofertilization #ivfjourney #ivfpregnancy #bfp #pregnant #ivfsuccess #fet #frozenembryotransfer #ttc #ttccommunity #ttcsisters #fertilityjourney #infertilityjourney #ivfaftermiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #flipthescript #rainbowbaby #babyreed #jvr
This is me.
This is me pregnant with our 8th child, yet we also have 5 angel babies in Heaven.
This is me who felt I was broken after having 3 miscarriages in a row.
This is me who knows how hard it is to see another woman pregnant after I had experienced a loss.
This is me who wanted to be happy for other women that were pregnant, yet sobbed for the heartache of losing my own babies.
This is me who found the courage amidst the fear to keep trying and had more children.
This is me who had two more losses and still went on to have more children.
This is me who still loves and remembers each baby gone to Heaven too soon.
This is me who has faith and hope, coupled with moments of anxiety, each time she gets pregnant again.
This is me who cried for 3 days straight this pregnancy for fear that I’d never be able to feel my baby kick inside me.
This is me who cried happy tears and gave thankful prayers when this baby started kicking on a daily basis and let me know he was ok.
This is me who has learned that loss changes your feelings about pregnancy, but I know I will be ok.
This is me who knows there are rainbows during and after losing a baby.
This is me who is a mom to 13 children that live both on Earth and in Heaven.
This is me- a woman, a mom, that is NOT broken.
Have you ever felt these feelings of fear, sadness and hope after losing a baby or when getting pregnant again?
I’d love to have you share in the comments what was hardest on you when you lost a baby. Sharing helps us learn and encourage each other.
Join me tomorrow as I introduce you to an amazing doctor who is a wonderful advocate to those who experience recurrent pregnancy loss. She will give you hope that you are not broken after a loss.
You will also have a chance to enter to win a signed copy of her book, Not Broken, An Approachable Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss. @drlorashahine
I invite you to visit our website and learn more about my personal story and our mission. Link in the profile!
We are thrilled to announce the arrival of our son, Jackson Vaughn Reed! He came into the world at 8:41pm on Tuesday, March 26th weighing a whopping 6 pounds 3 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. Getting him here has been a long, hard road and his birth was no exception. We’re just glad he made it into our arms safely. And now the adventure begins... .
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#ivf #invitrofertilization #ivfjourney #ivfpregnancy #bfp #pregnant #ivfsuccess #fet #frozenembryotransfer #ttc #ttccommunity #ttcsisters #fertilityjourney #infertilityjourney #ivfaftermiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #flipthescript #rainbowbaby #babyreed #jvr
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