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Connection and comfort <3 .
@parentingconnection
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Who just sighed at the interview with Harry and Meghan and their new baby when the reporter asked this question?
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This is possibly one of the most toxic questions we ask new parents. It sets up incorrect expectations, places undue pressure on the parents and perpetuates myths and misunderstandings about baby sleep.
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Babies do NOT sleep 'well' - or correction, babies do not sleep like adults. They are MEANT to wake very regularly (by regularly I mean multiple times per night, hourly waking is not uncommon). They need to feed often, receive bodily contact from their parents (ie hugs) and frequent waking protects them against SIDS. Throughout the whole of the first year (and beyond) night waking is NORMAL. Night waking is common. It categorically does not make a baby 'bad' (I guess this is the presumption of a baby who wakes frequently - if those who don't wake often are considered 'good'?). It is not healthy for a younger baby to get long solid stretches of sleep.
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Quite frankly, how a baby sleeps is nobody's business apart from the child's parents. We need to stop being nosy about it. If we must ask anything concerning sleep, it should be "how are you finding the normal frequent wakes? Do you feel you have enough support?"
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Sleeping abnormally does not make a baby 'good'. Sleeping like a normal baby and waking often does not mean they are 'not good' (or by default 'bad'). Similarly labelling a baby as good or bad is ridiculous. It's as unhelpful as labelling a toddler naughty, or easy. All children exhibit a range of behaviour, but they are not their behaviour. They are them. Unique individuals. .
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We need to stop piling sleep guilt on to new parents. It is no coincidence that 'baby sleep problems' (and associated 'fixes'/consultants/gadgets) are so widespread in modern western culture. In many areas of the world they have no words for 'sleep training' and don't understand what is meant when asked how their baby sleeps. They report significantly less problems with their baby's sleep. No coincidence there!
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Empathy is not just about walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s about understanding that they are a different person than you are; that they experience the world differently than you do; that they perceive the world differently than you do; that they respond to the world differently than you do. And it’s recognizing that their experiences, perceptions, and responses are just as valid as yours are. @lrknost #authenticity #empathy #kindness #lovelovelove #parenthood #motherhood #fatherhood #parentingtips #gentleparenting #thedanishway #thedanishwayofparenting #playthedanishway #ibensandahl #ibendissingsandahl #writer #mom
I am totally nervous to even begin to unravel this topic of sleep- as in my household sleep has always been a tricky one for us.
Let’s start with the biggest member of the family- Jimmy. Well he has always been a super light sleeper and one of those people that requires minimal sleep to function effectively (who would have thought with all that energy he has). For him, having kids has made him a better sleeper as he is able to switch off faster and get the sleep where he can.
Then there is me... well let’s just say, I am known to be one of the deepest sleepers there is. My head hits the pillow and before I’ve even gotten myself ready to sleep, I’m gone!
Lenny- oh my sensitive, loving #1 child. Lenny has always required extra attention when it comes to sleep and as he moves through toddler years to now 4, he is developing a bigger imagination and need for closeness. We start by laying next to him in bed and debriefing about the day and anything that’s bothering him, or things he is proud of ect. This time of the night is actually one of jimmys and my favorite times with him. He tells us all that is swimming around in his head and often just loves holding our face and telling us how much he loves us. This time in my mind is invaluable and exceptionally important to me - he knows we are here, he can tell us anything, and that he is safe (there are nights however that I wish he could walk himself to bed and just put himself to sleep, but that’s just usually after a huge day! However, since the twins have entered the equation he is waking up so much more during the night. He will wake and want either jimmy or myself in there. The minute we go in and lay down he scoops us in as tight as possible next to him and goes straight back to sleep. This could happen a few times during the night whenever he realizes that no one is next to him. We have always listened and responded to his needs rather than placing strict rules. The thing is, it’s only since having the twins that he is having numerous wakings, checking for us. I’m not sure if the twins wake him, or his just feeling like he needs us right there more. Continue in comments
Our society is in the throes of an ever increasing and worrying epidemic, that of infant sleep training. For six thousand years humans have parented in a manner similar to that of other mammals who nurture their young. Babies would be held both day and night, they would be placed at the breast whenever they needed and as a result, although new parents were undoubtedly tired, there was no need for experts or products to solve baby sleep problems. Quite simply baby sleep problems didn’t exist. Adults understood normal baby sleep and they understood what babies needed to sleep in a more restful way. They also understood that disrupted sleep was temporary and adjusted their lives accordingly.
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The dawn of industrialisation two hundred years ago changed everything. The pursuit of wealth and material belongings relegated parenting to a second class occupation. A new role appeared, that of the male parenting expert, such as Truby King and John Watson. Parents were advised to put their babies on strict feeding and sleeping schedules and love was seen as a weakness. Children were not to be ‘mollycoddled’ or shown excessive affection. Parenting styles come in and out of vogue with regularity. Interestingly they always seem to reflect the state and views of society at the time. In the case of the industrialised society these views were predominantly misogynistic and focussed on increasing wealth and productivity. You could argue that this is the prevalent view still today.
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Read more here (clickable link in bio):
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https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2016/01/17/the-epidemic-of-baby-sleep-training/
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