parentingafterloss lifeafterloss rainbowbaby babyloss stillbornstillloved grievingmother bereavedmother stillbirthawareness pregnancyafterloss childloss grief honestmotherhood motherhood stillbirth infantloss miscarriage miscarriageawareness saytheirnames griefjourney griefsupport mamagrief babylossawareness healing ihadamiscarriage miscarriagesupport motherhoodrising stillbirthbreakthesilence stillbirthmamafightingforlight stillborn rainbowpregnancy
In every season, He is faithful. ♡
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And we are so overjoyed to share that our family has been blessed again, and we’re expecting our newest little miracle this winter!!! Praise God for this precious gift of life!
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You may only see three children pictured here, but this is indeed my fifth pregnancy and therefore we’re now parents of FIVE children: Leora, an early miscarriage, Enzo, Evalina, and this baby. Although we currently only have two children in our arms, our babies in heaven count, too. (And so do yours.) ❤️
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Evalina is a big sister!!!
He ate chicken nugs for breakfast and I’m hoping this cookie will last him through lunch. I’m not recommending it but this chapter in the book I’ll never write is called ‘How to survive your toddler cutting 4 molars when you’re 100 weeks pregnant’.
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#livethelittlethings #pursuepretty #letthembelittle #flashesofdelight #candidchildhood #nothingisordinary #momtogs #honestmotherhood #livecolorfully #documentyourdays #ohheymama #parentingafterloss
One year ago today, the incredible (and lovely) team at Bourn Hall introduced one of my best eggs to one of Js best sperm, and made our beautiful little Ryan
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The more I think about it the more amazed I am at what science has made possible for couples like us
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And although IVF is tough to go through, it allows you to witness the miracle of conception in a way most parents don’t get to do
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Photos are from the day of egg collection (pre-procedure and blue skies above the clinic); embryo transfer day which was 5 days later (the arrow points to the little cloud of fluid that contained Ryan-to-be and another embryo that sadly didn’t make it); and the little man himself, all grown into a fully formed healthy happy baby ❤️
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#sciencerocks #infertility #ivf #ivfbaby #ivfsuccess #bournhall #fertilitytreatment #fertilityclinic #hypohypo #son #brother #rainbowbaby #parentingafterloss #pregnancyafterloss #eggcollection #embryotransfer #IMSI
Early last month we learned that little brother has a cleft lip and palate. Among other things, including gestational diabetes (whut) and history of a full term loss, my amniotic fluids have been measuring quite high and baby has been measuring in the >97th percentile (unrelated to GDM as my glucose has been very controlled with diet and exercise). We have a handful of not ideal diagnoses that were reason enough to be referred to University of Washington MFM and have been seeing specialists and a high risk OB since then. While everything has come back negative for chromosomal issues or any reason to believe that each unfavorable diagnosis is anything other than a (bizarre) stand alone issue rather than symptoms of something bigger, it has made for a stressful couple months. We meet Friday with the craniofacial surgical team taking on our case through Seattle Children’s Hospital who leads the country in number of surgeons specializing in cleft repairs. Mentally and emotionally swallowing what the future looks like has taken some time. The severity of his cleft is unknown until he is here so an accurate picture of the exact surgeries he will require and when is also unknown. After sharing this information with a good friend she said, ‘All you can do is wait and then love him like crazy.’ So that’s the plan.
This year we finally had the strength and courage to walk in the March for Babies event with our support warriors #hopeforhydrops The event was filled with so many courageous parents, family members, friends and little survivors that beat the odds.
@marchofdimesca did a wonderful job putting on a fun event for an important cause that may be harder for some than others.
Thank you to everyone that supported our mission in raising awareness for Hydrops!
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#hopeforhydrops #hydrops @marchofdimes #rawmotherhood #marchforbabies #marchofdimes #stillmothers #hydropsfetalis #marchforbabies #marchofdimes #fundraiser #awarness #nicumom #nicu #donate #angelbaby #lossmom #hope #lifeafternicu #lifeafterloss #parentingafterloss #parenting #parenthood #warriors #whenlifegivesyoulemons #bereavedmother #bereavedparents
Healing after loss is surrendering and unbecoming everything you thought you ever knew. Going inwards and trusting your intuition will enable you to listen to your soul... there are no solutions outside of us so stop searching for them - you need to stop the glorification of busy and grieve... you also need to let all of the things that once served you fall away - anything or anyone inauthentic in your life won’t survive ... trust that the most compassionate human beings will remain so learn to be and let things go . Your life may seem shattered to pieces but have faith and courage that the pieces will come back together in a way that is more aligned and better than ever before You’ve got this ✌️ Link in bio for further advice on learning compassion - particularly to yourself ✨
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#mybabymatters #stillbirth #stillbirthbreakthesilence #babyloss #stillamama #stillborn #stillloved #neonataldeath #sids #miscarriage #saytheirnames #StillAtaboo #parentingafterloss
27th May 2016.
Your burial gown was delivered.
Your memory box was opened.
Your coffin had arrived.
Your grave was prepared for digging.
Your funeral songs had been picked.
You were still alive.
Still living.
Still moving.
Still dancing.
How long did you have left?
Every kick. Every movement. Every pause.
I monitored them all.
Obsessively.
Hoping for the best.
Knowing the worst.
There was no “preparing” despite knowing you were going.
You cannot prepare for that.
I was living in limbo.
You were slow dancing with death.
I watched on helplessly.
I did nothing to rip you from his arms.
Should I have done?
Did I give up on you?
Were you kicking me to let me know you were still there, thinking I was forgetting about you?
Was your dancing your way of telling me to let you come out? That you’d be okay if you did?
Did I fail you, waiting?
Were they wrong? Is that what you were saying?
I love you. I miss you. Please forgive me. I’m sorry.