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You don't get to decide how other people should feel! Ever!
If someone says you hurt me, you should say something along the lines of, I'm sorry, help me to understand why and how can we fix it. That is emotional maturity. That is love.
Not argue about whether you agree with it or not. Don't 'block and run away' from them labeling the situation as 'negative' because you don't agree with it. That is a disempowered way of communicating.
They're not your feelings or emotions so you don't get to decide if someone shouldn't feel hurt by something.
This is something I've experienced often in my life. Especially by the narcissists and abusers. They flip out when you tell them they hurt you. That they're behavior towards you is cruel. They never take responsibility for their part in anything. They're never in the wrong. They also will NEVER try and make it right.
When this happens it's best to walk away. For your own peace because you deserve better than that gaslighting.
#standinyourpower
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Yesterday my partner turned to me and said “You are a different person, Nicole.” And I thought, I am. I really am. It’s not until someone close to you brings up memories of a past self that you realize you’ve created a new self.
The truth is we are both different people. If someone told me a few years ago that you could create who you want to be and “personality” is just a word for conditioning, I would have doubts. I was trained to believe the exact opposite. Of course, we can only believe what we’ve experienced.
I sat at my computer today and thought about the “how.” How do you consciously create a new version of self? I say conscious because the version of you that’s reading this post is a reflection of other people’s consciousness. The beliefs, habits, and patterns you have today were created in the subconscious at a time where you likely have no memory. It’s why when I get messages or work with clients who say “I’m lazy” or “I am so unmotivated” the first thought is that isn’t YOU. It is a “you” that is simply the habitual self.
The above is the “how.” To me, self care is simply reparenting. Acting in your own best interest. Viewing yourself objectively rather than mindlessly and asking “what is best for both my mind and body?” Not the familiar. Not what is comfortable. Not what you have the least mental resistance/chatter around. You’ve chose those comfortable choices your whole life, and you are a manifestation of that choice. Read that sentence again.
To leave the subconscious is to be uncomfortable every single day. There is no quick. There is no easy. There are no hacks.
It’s to become intentional about your habits. How do they serve you? Do they get you closer to the person you want to become?
I sobbed through much of these. For months. I was so resistant. My ego was screaming that I didn’t need any of it. I met my shadow self. The self that held my shame and entitlement.
But for the first time, I stopped looking away.
This is how you wake up #selfhealers
A good way we can recognize our growth and healing is by becoming aware of how our relationships evolved through time. As we expand our inner peace, there are less things that are able to disturb it. What we used to perceive as disturbing, we can now face with calm and ease. Which doesn’t mean we won’t acknowledge when actions aren’t loving or kind, but we simply no longer perceive it as disturbing because we’ve changed within. So our self-love becomes the foundation for our relationships, because it not only changes ourselves but the way we relate and perceive others as well, and everything goes smoother from there.
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The way we feel and think, as well as our beliefs, are projected into our perception of others. With an abundance of love within, we are no longer expecting or seeking it in the actions of others. If we’re not giving ourselves the love we deserve, we more easily find the lack of it in others’ actions because we are in search for it.
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Expanding our self-love doesn’t mean we won’t be able to perceive when love is not being served. We actually can better acknowledge it, because we are not projecting the lack of it into what we see, we are better able to see things objectively and gain the clarity to step away from what is not serving our well-being.
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The more we expand our inner peace and self-love, the less we perceive its lack in others and the less we condemn and judge. We are better able to sustain an elevated state of being despite the actions of others, which is what truly supports their healing and our freedom as well. We cease to demand others to change, while at the same time supporting their healing by giving them the space to do so. By expanding our self-love, we will cease to perceive and enhance its lack in others, bringing us the freedom that supports our happiness and the empathy that nourishes our relationships. ❤️
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Now, what if... Someone can reprogram your brain to automatically have. UNLIMITED wealth, happiness, pleasure, love, freedom and confidence…
Would you want it?
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