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Before becoming a mom, you were carefree, less anxious, and spontaneous. Or maybe you were quiet, calm, and certain.
You recognize this person you “used to be” and you can’t seem to find her. You’re on this journey through motherhood, and while trying to raise good humans, you long to be that carefree girl again. .
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Truth is, at some point throughout this journey, moms feel lost and disconnected from themselves. It’s natural as you become the life source for a little person that needs you, constantly. The former freedoms you once had to literally do whatever you wanted, those are gone. You no longer focus on your own needs because you focus on taking care to meet the needs of those around you. You try to live up to this unreal expectation of the “perfect mom,” when simply, she doesn’t exist. You find that you try to hang on to the old and familiar, as much as you can, when truthfully, your current reality doesn’t permit it. You’re battling mental health challenges that you never thought you would or that previously may not have been a problem. .
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These…things that occur, they may cause you to ask yourself, “Who am I?”
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If this is or has been your experience, I’ll share some strategies to reclaiming a (new) YOU in tomorrow’s post. .
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What else would you add to this list of why mom may lose their identity?
Me: ugh, I have to clean out all of the closets, turn over all the boys clothes and rotate all of the clothes bins
Person: be thankful you have to do this task, it means you have healthy growing kids.
Sound familiar?
I have heard so many comments that unknowingly belittle the very real and heavy loads that moms carry.
Ummm thanks Susan, I was simply saying that I am managing a heavy load, not that I want my kids to permanently remain in 2T clothes.
Here's the deal, you can struggle and also be grateful for motherhood.
Not enjoying the tasks of motherhood doesn't mean that you don't love your child or want to be a mother.
Your struggle and your gratitude can coexist.
They are not mutually exclusive.
Do me (and yourself) a favour and acknowledge the load that you carry. Validate your own feelings because the load is there.
If you don't acknowledge the weight/load then you constantly feel like you are failing and coming up short.
When we can acknowledge that being a mom also means managing the weight/responsibility that comes with the title, then we learn healthy ways to cope.
If you feel like you are failing or feel guilt about motherhood, I will send you my free mini workbook to help you overcome that shame and guilt! Head to the link in my bio to get yours today!
I just want you to know that I see you and that you are absolutely rocking this whole motherhood thing
#happyasamother
Motherhood is humbling ✊
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I hope you find some peace in knowing that it’s humbling for us all ❤️ .
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Too much of what we experience in the postpartum period gets chalked up to hormones.
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“Oh your hormones are all over the place right now so that’s to be expected.” does that sound familiar?
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When a mom says that she’s not feeling like herself, it’s an indication that something is not right. If you’re a support person or a provider I suggest that you show interest and curiosity instead of rationalizing her experience. She’s telling you something is off. She may not know how to articulate it, but she feels it. Sometimes it’s not until the experience has passed that we’re able to identify what was going on. This is why it’s so important to ask meaningful questions.
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Recently, @postpartumstress shared a post about asking the right questions. I will share this post in my stories today.
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If you experienced any changes in mood during pregnancy or the postpartum period, how did you know something was off? How do you think you could have been best supported?
Was I the only one that thought life would go on, business as usual, after becoming a mother? I thought that between nap time and bedtime, I would figure it all out. I never thought about the days when a child fights nap, or doesn’t feel well. I didn’t think about the difficulty in trying to merge two completely different lives. Better yet, I never even imagined that I would possibly have an internal battle between my “roles.”
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There are days when I want so badly to go all in on career opportunities and other days where I couldn’t imagine leaving my son for a minute. Days where I beg for a break and later rush back to be with him. Some days I feel like “I’m finally getting it” and others where I feel like a failure. Moments where I feel so alone and in the next moment feel supported.
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People will repeatedly tell you “the days are long, but the years are short.” What they won’t tell you is that some days you will grieve your old life—and that’s okay. It doesn’t take away from your gratitude or your overwhelming love for your child. It doesn’t change your thankfulness for your role as mom. It’s good to be honest with one another. Especially in an age where we can be dying on the inside and curating perfect pictures to show the world.
Do you have expectations about what self-care “should” look like?
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Honestly, before becoming a mom, self-care was a lot of the stuff in the left column. It’s changed since then and that’s okay. Our circumstances, mood, finances, and energy may require us to be a bit flexible with how we care for ourselves.
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It’s not necessarily what we do, but the fact that we are making it a priority to tend to our personal needs. You may notice that when you’re feeling your worst, brushing your hair or making your bed will feel like a victory.
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Take away: don’t compare how you care for yourself to how others do it.
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Tell me what self-care looks like for you or how this has changed over the years
When you take care of your body, you might eat well and exercise.
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When you take care of your home, you may clean, organize, make updates, etc.
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When you take care of your children—you feed them, clothe them, offer discipline, and emotional support
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BUT HOW DO YOU CARE FOR YOUR HEADSPACE?
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How do you stop your mind from being overrun by negativity?
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How do you create space for positive thinking? Self-compassion? Stillness?
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Tell me—how are you caring for the very place you spend the most time
Unhelpful questions vs being of help.
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Mothers need support. They need a village (isn’t that what we keep hearing)? We need to step up and be the village.
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I know that those first set of questions do not come from a place of harm, but they are not helpful.
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What can we all do to be the village for moms? Is there something someone did for you (or you did for a someone) that you can share?